{the end of the 20's}

i realize i should have posted this yesterday, but it was a monday and monday's to me are my "break day" from the weekend.

yesterday was march 28th marking the "1 month to my bday" day. but this year, it has a different meaning to me. for those who don't know...birthday's are HUGE to me. i ALWAYS take time to either call or email or facebook a "happy birthday" to people who matter. i believe that birthday's are meant to be celebrated and recognized. i mean...come on!? why not!?!?!? it's the day YOU WERE BORN!!!!! that's pretty darn special in my book. so anyways....back to the point of this post.....

yesterday marked the LAST MONTH OF MY TWENTIES!!!!!!!!!!! now for some people, meaning normal people, it's not a huge deal to turn 30. to me.....it kinda makes me catch my breath and breathe a little funky for a minute. i know in my head it's just a number and numbers can never get you down. {unless it's a clothing size number then that could potentially really get you down...stupid fashion industry} but to me....30 is more then a number. it's the end of something.

my 20's were not like the "normal" 20's experience. i had to grow up really fast. at 20 i was pregnant. at 20 i was a wife soon to be mom. i graduated college and instead of starting a career, i started being a stay at home mom. and i don't regret any of it. i love being a mom. i'm not going to lie and say it was all peaches and cream at the beginning, because it was really hard. really freaking hard. but i made it through. i had to figure a ton of stuff out on my own. i finally learned how to cook!! {man i used to burn practically EVERYTHING!!! poor hubby.} but it wasn't what my friends were doing. they were still in college or looking for jobs. able to go out on friday nights to movies, bars, or parties. my 21st bday was spent at home with my newborn preemie, my bff and my man who brought take out home because we couldn't take our daughter around people yet. but did i have a good time? you bet. it was awesome. i was with people who loved me.

during my 20's i had various jobs. nothing that really stuck tho. worked in retail, taught pre-schoolers, and finally worked in a doc's office. now i'm a stay at home mom again. only this time, no baby/toddler to take care of. just me, the dog, the bird and the house. it's kinda weird. i've been looking for work, but haven't found anything that will still allow me to pick up A from school and be home to help with homework. she deserves me to be there. she's always had either her dad or i home with her after school. but it's isolating at times this time around. i'm not rushing off to daytime playdates, the park, the library for storytime, playgroups.....none of that. just me. maybe here and there for coffee with some friends, but not always. very rarely now that i think about it.

to me turning 30 should be a turning point in my life. in what direction tho.....i still have no clue. a friend and i have been talking about collaborating on having an etsy site. she's got design skills and i've got the crafty skills. so that's something to think about. i've always got some kind of craft project sitting around somewhere. i've been helping out at A's school a lot and i really enjoy doing that. but do i want to become super involved in PTA and such things? no. i'm not "that" mom. just not built for it. i need to find some kind of purpose tho. need to find something that will bring something into my daily life. i don't feel as grounded as i probably should. but i'm totally never sure i will feel grounded.

so yeah, it's looking like this last month of my 20's is going to be interesting. i'll be 30 next month with a 9yo daughter who is amazing. married to the love of my life for 9yrs. we're finally in a position where we're not so stressed about money anymore, living where we're supposed to be. we're actually going on a REAL vacation next month where we'll actually be in san fransisco for my bday. who knows? maybe i'll have found some purpose and some answers by then? if not......it's cool. i'll still be on the look out.