Tuesday, March 29, 2011

{the end of the 20's}

i realize i should have posted this yesterday, but it was a monday and monday's to me are my "break day" from the weekend.

yesterday was march 28th marking the "1 month to my bday" day. but this year, it has a different meaning to me. for those who don't know...birthday's are HUGE to me. i ALWAYS take time to either call or email or facebook a "happy birthday" to people who matter. i believe that birthday's are meant to be celebrated and recognized. i mean...come on!? why not!?!?!? it's the day YOU WERE BORN!!!!! that's pretty darn special in my book. so anyways....back to the point of this post.....

yesterday marked the LAST MONTH OF MY TWENTIES!!!!!!!!!!! now for some people, meaning normal people, it's not a huge deal to turn 30. to me.....it kinda makes me catch my breath and breathe a little funky for a minute. i know in my head it's just a number and numbers can never get you down. {unless it's a clothing size number then that could potentially really get you down...stupid fashion industry} but to me....30 is more then a number. it's the end of something.

my 20's were not like the "normal" 20's experience. i had to grow up really fast. at 20 i was pregnant. at 20 i was a wife soon to be mom. i graduated college and instead of starting a career, i started being a stay at home mom. and i don't regret any of it. i love being a mom. i'm not going to lie and say it was all peaches and cream at the beginning, because it was really hard. really freaking hard. but i made it through. i had to figure a ton of stuff out on my own. i finally learned how to cook!! {man i used to burn practically EVERYTHING!!! poor hubby.} but it wasn't what my friends were doing. they were still in college or looking for jobs. able to go out on friday nights to movies, bars, or parties. my 21st bday was spent at home with my newborn preemie, my bff and my man who brought take out home because we couldn't take our daughter around people yet. but did i have a good time? you bet. it was awesome. i was with people who loved me.

during my 20's i had various jobs. nothing that really stuck tho. worked in retail, taught pre-schoolers, and finally worked in a doc's office. now i'm a stay at home mom again. only this time, no baby/toddler to take care of. just me, the dog, the bird and the house. it's kinda weird. i've been looking for work, but haven't found anything that will still allow me to pick up A from school and be home to help with homework. she deserves me to be there. she's always had either her dad or i home with her after school. but it's isolating at times this time around. i'm not rushing off to daytime playdates, the park, the library for storytime, playgroups.....none of that. just me. maybe here and there for coffee with some friends, but not always. very rarely now that i think about it.

to me turning 30 should be a turning point in my life. in what direction tho.....i still have no clue. a friend and i have been talking about collaborating on having an etsy site. she's got design skills and i've got the crafty skills. so that's something to think about. i've always got some kind of craft project sitting around somewhere. i've been helping out at A's school a lot and i really enjoy doing that. but do i want to become super involved in PTA and such things? no. i'm not "that" mom. just not built for it. i need to find some kind of purpose tho. need to find something that will bring something into my daily life. i don't feel as grounded as i probably should. but i'm totally never sure i will feel grounded.

so yeah, it's looking like this last month of my 20's is going to be interesting. i'll be 30 next month with a 9yo daughter who is amazing. married to the love of my life for 9yrs. we're finally in a position where we're not so stressed about money anymore, living where we're supposed to be. we're actually going on a REAL vacation next month where we'll actually be in san fransisco for my bday. who knows? maybe i'll have found some purpose and some answers by then? if not......it's cool. i'll still be on the look out.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

{the wedding}

we planned a small, simple, and perfect wedding. our college semesters were broken up into 11wks of school, one week off, on for another 11wks then off for 3wks. our spring break was during the 1wk off and that's when we planned to have our wedding. we were still living in ft. lauderdale and home was only 2 hours away, but man...it was still crazy planning a wedding while going to school full time, working part time, and being pregnant. {there are kinda 2 stories this whole story} thankfully between both sets of parents we had a ton of "hook-ups". we decided to get married at a restaurant the was located along the indian river. they had an outside deck and the room we held the reception in was just stunning. the whole building was used as a rum runner building during the prohibition days so there was a ton of charm and uniqueness to the place. nothing matched...tables were different from long to round. chairs were different styles, there were stained glass windows hanging above tables in all different colors. it was the perfect place. my mom made my wedding dress. she also made my maid of honor's dress and my sister, due to location, made hers. a friend of the family's did all our flowers, another did all the photography....it was amazing.

our song was "hanging by a moment" by lifehouse in the acoustic version. we did things simply and had a blast.

the only thing missing was his brother. remember how i said he was in the navy during this time? he was serving on the U.S.S Rossevelt which was over near the middle east. he was due to be back in the states on march 22 and would have been about to serve as best man. due to things out of our control, the ship that was due to relieve them was late. he was back stateside march 25th and back to home the 27th. he just missed us! but he did an amazing thoughtful thing. while out one night on "shore leave" he and his friends toasted us and had it recorded and sent for us to watch. it still makes me tear. so he wasn't physically there with us, but he was still there.

we had our honeymoon in st. augustine, fl. we stayed at a bed and breakfast and took time to be our married selves. we found this amazing little wrap sandwich place that i think we ate at everyday! we're simple people like that! {both junior and senior proms, we ate simple. senior prom's dinner was at chili's!} we took a carriage ride, walked along the shops, went and got a massage, climbed to the top of the lighthouse {which technically i shouldn't have done, being 33wks prego at the time}....were just happily married people. i remember when we went for a tour we had to sign our names, S stepped back and said "nope...you sign...it's your first time using your new name". i was so happy to be using HIS last name. i was officially "HIS" now. we were family.

during all this wedding planning and school and work.....we were pregnant. we watched my belly grow, my moods swing like crazy {i'm so sorry honey!} thought of names and tried really hard to not go crazy buying stuff. one night he made dinner and he made schezwan chicken. when he opened the jar of spice...both our sinuses were clear. it was crazy spice. when it was done, we sat down expecting a really good meal. i caved after like 3 bites. it was SPICY!! CRAZY HOT SPICY!!! it ended up being a cereal-for-dinner kinda of night. while sleeping, at about 2am, i'm woken up by the weirdest feeling. the baby is reacting to the spice. she was going NUTS!! just moving like crazy....so much you can SEE my belly moving around. i woke him up and was kinda freaking out myself! i turned to him and said..."omg what did you do to her!!" i drank some milk and she really calmed down after that. but man...i was scared we like damaged her or something! but things were fine. {to this day little a doesn't really do spicy foods lol}

while driving up to our bed and breakfast, i noticed how swollen my feet and hands were. i chalked it up to just from all the stress from the wedding. when our short stay was over, we drove back to sebastian {home} to see his brother. it was so great to be able to finally see him. he couldn't believe my belly! it's one thing hearing someone is pregnant, but another actually seeing them that way. we spent the last few days of our spring break spending time with him and seeing some family that was still in town for the wedding. our last night in town we went out to dinner with his parents and brother. while sitting there, i had this crazy sharp pain shoot up the back of my head and felt extremely nauseous. i dashed off to the bathroom. thankfully nothing ummm....came up. but i went outside to get some fresh air afterwards. his brother came out and sat with me and we chatted a bit. S and i had to be back in ft lauderdale by april 1st for a doctors appt. and it was also the first day of our graduating quarter...................

and now my lovelies.....i'm leaving you here. part 3 will be in 8 days. just to keep with the time line of "our story"

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


here's something silly for the day:

3 random things about me

1. i always want ice cream when it's super cold out, even when i can't feel my toes i'm so cold

2. i used to fall asleep playing with my belly button when i was little. no thumb sucking for me

3. sometimes, when i'm really sad and even with S right next to me in bed, i'll cuddle with the first pooh bear he gave me that stays on our bed.

what's random about you today?

the start of it all......

tomorrow will be 9 yrs that my man and i have been married! we'll have been together tho for 15yrs this august. crazy right? we are high school sweethearts. so....i was thinking that today i would tell our story or at least a part of it. so let's see.........

it all began back in 1996. we were sophomores in high school back in FL. he played tenor sax in the band and i was in the color guard. i knew him through friends, he actually was the boyfriend at one time of one of my really great friends! (but they broke up before he and i got together) so...we were at a weird performance we had to do. we were down at dodger stadium in to do a performance there...weird right? a MARCHING band at a baseball field!?!? just a tad out of place! anyways....i was hanging out with his friends and me with mine. i was talking with a friend who we were both friends with and started asking him about my man...was he still single? do you think he'd like me? silly girl questions....then the big one "will you ask him out for me!?" {lame i know, but hey it was high school and i was only 15} well......a whole THREE days later he finally got back to me. YES!!! {whew!!!! took him long enough!} it was a great feeling to me when he did say yes. he came over to me and casually held my hand right away!! {at 15 that's huge} the next night was a party at one of my friends houses and i invited him to go with. that night was kinda just crazy fun on many levels but it was another big night for us! our first kiss!! it wasn't like all those movie first kisses where you find yourself alone with your honey, with soft music playing somewhere and you're just gazing into each others eyes....no this was a "truth or dare" kind of first kiss. it was my turn and i chose DARE {sigh....i was always one to take challenges lol} well, our friend M said "i dare you to kiss S" well....i got totally nervous...i'd really only known him for like....what 24hrs? if that!!! well....S just said "oh come here..." and man did he plant one on me!!!!!! {total butterflies in tummy moment} the rest of the night, whenever we could sneak away.....let's just say there was some practicing going on.

since then, we were always together as much as we could be. i was the good girlfriend who didn't complain too too much about him always going out skating with the boys, sometimes i would even go along.....i learned to grind and skate backwards....and usually ended up on my very bruised bottom lol we would go to movies or just hang out at each others houses. it was really good. really good. simple fun getting to know each other and fall in love....

the first time he said "i love you" was a crazy night!! we were lined up on the football field for a home game performance waiting for the announcer to finish his stuff. luckily his starting point was like a yard away from mine. he turned around really quick to say a quick "good luck" then mouthed the words " i love you"........i was so, just....wow. that night i hit every mark, caught every toss, just the best show. later at our third quarter break, i hugged him and shyly asked "what did you say after good luck".....{i so had to hear this out loud} he smiled down at me (i'm just the perfect height for him, i fit right under his chin!) and said "i said i love you" and of course i totally said it back to him and meant it. i'd never known a guy like him. he always made me feel special and took time to hear what i had to say. and this was all at 15/16.

the rest of high school we were together. i think we were the second couple in the school who was together the longest. at the band banquet held at the end of the year, the seniors of the year give little speeches, usually thanking everyone and passing on words of wisdom to the younger ones. when it came to mine, i was too choked up to even talk the first time. i had to let someone go ahead of me. when it was my turn again....S came with me. he held my hand and helped me get though it. we were 18 at the time. then graduation came............

since he was a child, he always knew that he wanted to be an animator. there were many times when we were hanging out when he was playing on the computer with some kind of animation program trying to figure it out. he got accepted to the Art Institute of Ft. Lauderdale. this was so amazing for him....but two hours away from me. i had dreams of becoming a paramedic. i grew up around them and figured it was what i knew might as well do that. the first year was horrible. i went with him and his roommates to move in, helped set up his room, and just was there. we ended up spending the night and his first class was the next day. i rode with his friend and brother and he drove in his car, and we followed him to the school. when he turned in and we didn't i lost it. i, quietly as i could, sobbed in the back seat all the way home. i was so proud of him, but missed him like mad. the distance was tough and we actually broke up for a little. but things worked themselves out and we were back together. i would go spend a weekend or he would come up home and we'd be together. we made it work.

after a semester of EMT training, i knew it wasn't for me. i slacked during my second semester. i didn't return for the second year. i honestly still regret these actions, but it's in the past. i got the crazy idea in my head the i would move to Ft. Lauderdale. not in with him, but at least down there. so i did. man.....that was so flippin' hard to do. i was on my own for a good 4 months before i had a roommate move in {who later became my bestest friend ever. we're total soul sisters} i ended up going to the same college he went to but for something else. things were crazy tough but it was easier being together. we broke up again for awhile, almost to the point where we both were considering "moving on" from each other. i had a HORRIBLE job where i had to travel across the state. on one of these trips i heard a song...."hanging by a moment" by lifehouse. i heard that song over and over and over the whole like 3 days i was there. i couldn't hear it without thinking about S. i knew then that i was meant to be with him. when i got back we talked and worked everything out. we were completely together with each other and both knew that we wanted to be with each other. he was 20, and i was just getting ready to turn 20. for my 20th birthday he say me down and told me something amazing. we were both getting ready to graduate in june of 2002. so this was my birthday of april 2001, and he told me that from now till then that i should be looking at rings!!!!!! but little did he know that i had my heart set on my grandmother's engagement ring that was willed to me. {she was the best lady and i still tear up missing her} but the proposal wouldn't come till after graduation. i was over the moon with happiness.

i was planning on going to PA to visit my sister for a week in sept. 2001. S turned 21 in sept and we spent the day riding roller coasters at islands of adventure in orlando. during the day, i started feeling kinda queasy.....but chalked it up to all the roller coasters. then...hell broke lose. sept. 11, 2001. my mom called in the morning to let me know about the first plane. S had spent the night because the a/c was broken in his place. i woke him and told him and we kinda just thought "oh...drunk pilot..." then the second plane. being a college student i didn't have money for cable, so i was trying to find all the info on the radio. we drove to his place and watched the news all day. my flights had been canceled to see my sister. she called a week later asking if i wanted to take the train up. yes. after the 11th, i was feeling horrible. wasn't hungry, cranky, and just tired all the time. and i missed 'something' big. i chalked it all up to the stress of having our world turned upside down. but on the safe side on sept 19th....i took a {test}. well......that was one test i wasn't sure how i felt about passing and man did i pass. all 4 that i took. i was 20 and he was 21 and all we really had between us was love and a spoken promise. i'm so thankful for how my parents and his took the news. our world was shaken again. we were all dealing with the aftermath of the 11th, his brother was serving in the navy at the time, a cousin was supposed to be on one of the two plane that hit the towers, and now....a baby. we both knew that whatever it took, we were keeping the baby.

he was a rock through it all. he went with me to every doctors appointment. held my hand and joked with me about the instrument used for an internal ultra-sound. {if you don't know what i'm referring to, think about the shape of something for "lady fun" that uses batteries...you with me now?} when we saw our little peanut for the first time, we both had tears. then the next big ultra-sound was finding out the sex. our little peanut was a girl!!!!! we were so excited!!!!!!

that christmas break, we drove home to see our parents. it was the first without his brother. but we all made it through. he and i have a tradition that since i'm so impatient when it comes to christmas morning, he would give me something small on christmas eve and it was usually a winnie the pooh bear. every christmas eve, his parents would do a big dinner and invite family and friends. we always did that with his parents and christmas day dinner with my parents (at that age we were already doing the "swap holidays" lol) well....i couldn't wait for my gift...i did mention i was impatient. so about at 11pm-ish he brought me inside from where we were hanging out with family and said it was time for my gift. on his bed was a long big box that was oddly shaped. i opened it to find a pooh bear dressed in a tux with my grandmother's ring in its box with his hand writing on a note "Will You Marry Me?". i gasped an immediately said "YES!!!!" best gift ever.

we were 4mths pregnant at the time and i had just for the first time felt our little peanut move inside my warm belly. it was such a happy time for both of us. i'm not saying it was easy and completely blissful....being so young, in college, learning to live together for the first time along with his 2 other roommates, and growing up so fast this way...it was freaking hard. but we made it work. we planned on oct 2002 for a wedding. it would have given me 6mths to get "back into shape" for a dress. but....i had a moment where i didn't want to wait that long. i was driving to work and had to stop at his place of work and ran in and said that i didn't want to wait. i was ready to start this marriage asap and being parents. we were engaged on dec. 24th 2001 and planned to be married on march 24, 2002. 3 months later. i thought our parents would kill us with this lol. but they didn't. they worked with us and planned...................................

part 2 "the wedding" tomorrow......

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

online "shopping" {sigh}

today while home, i decided to browse the interwebs for some new clothes, that will probably never make it into my closet. i LOVE clothes, but mostly how they look on other people. i don't really have a set "style" other then "yeah...ok this works. i think". but here's some of that i was looking at today, and yes...i already know before you say anything...THERE ARE OTHER COLORS THEN BLACK!!! but black works so well on me!!!! and {shocking i know!!!} i picked out some dresses i liked....weird huh? now if only i had the gazillions of dollars to buy this stuff i'd be a happy lady!

as of 3/15/11......

remember when i wrote this lovely entry? well now i have the following books in my "handy dandy notebook cha-ching" (don't let me hanging...you know that was a blue's clues reference and you liked it!) ok here we go!!!

Ape House- Sara Gruen
Burned- P.C. Cast
Measure of a Lady- Deenne gist
Vampire Academy- Richelle Mead
Frostbite- Richelle Mead
Sizzlin' Sixteen- Janet Evanovich
The Boleyn Inheritance- Philppa Gregory
The Red Queen- Philppa Gregory
Death's Excellent Vacation-Charlaine Harris and Others
Guilty Pleasures- Laurell B. Hamilton
Shadow Kissed- Richelle Mead
Blood Promise- Richelle Mead
The Queen's Governess- Karen Harper
The Valcourt Heiress- Catherine Coulter
Wicked Appetite- Janet Evanovich
Ridging Lessons- Sara Gruen
Vision in White- Nora Roberts
Bed of Roses-Nora Roberts
Savor the Moment- Nora Roberts
The Laughing Corpse- Laurell B. Hamilton
Awakened- P.C. Cast

Waiting to be Read.....

Circus of the Damned- Laurell B. Hamilton
Lunatic Cafe- Laurell B. Hamilton
Bloody Bones- Laurell B. Hamilton
The Book Thief- Marcus Zusak

Currently Reading (soon to be done actually)

High Noon- Nora Roberts

so....sheesh!!!! when i'm done all those it'll be a total of 26 books!!! if you have read any of these books, please leave me a comment on your thoughts! if you have any questions about any that i have read, please ask!